The Do’s and Don’ts of Developing Your Sponsor

This month’s topic has come up a lot in recent coaching sessions. Whether you are looking for a job or a promotion, or are happy where you are but thinking about the future, it’s critical that you take an active role in developing your sponsor(s). That’s not something I considered during my mid-career, and I wish I had. Instead, I either did not understand that a sponsor was necessary, or thought that a sponsor relationship was something that naturally happened – as if it were “meant to be." For a sponsorship to work, it’s meant to be developed. You have to put in the work. 

Before I get into the specifics, let’s be sure we are all on the same page, definition-wise. A sponsor is not a mentor or an ally. Although it is possible for one person to hold all three roles, it’s not typical in my experience. An ally will advocate for you and others who may be in an underrepresented category. Allies acknowledge their systemic advantage and work with others to encourage inclusion. As such, allies will be part of a one-to-many relationship, and you are one of the many. A mentor could also be an ally of the underrepresented, but they are definitely a more experienced person in a higher role in a similar field. The purpose of a mentor is to provide guidance and lead the way for those who are coming up behind them in the company. Mentors form one-to-one relationships with their mentees. They may meet with them regularly to answer specific questions or address individual concerns. Sponsors also form one-to-one relationships, although often fewer in number and longer in duration. A sponsorship could last for many years. The sponsor often has an executive title. Where a mentor might work, or have worked, at the same company as you, that’s not required for a sponsor. In fact, you might even prefer a sponsorship outside of your organization. 

Now that we’re aligned on the terms, let’s get into the rules. 

Rule #1) You must pick your own sponsor; you can’t have one assigned to you. Because the sponsorship could last for years and you may have only one or two sponsors throughout your entire career, it’s imperative that you pair with a sponsor who shares a strong connection with you. Well-meaning L&D groups at some companies I’ve worked for have assigned sponsors, and where it has worked, the relationship evolved into mentoring. A mentor’s job is to provide guidance and counseling, and that is easy enough to do without a personal bond underneath. A sponsor advocates for you with unwavering support, and the only way to do that with integrity is through a genuine understanding and belief in you. If you reach out to someone whom you think can become your sponsor over time, that is a great first step. Be clear about what you are asking for, and be willing to take “no” for an answer. If they agree, then you must continue to invest in the relationship (see Rule #4 below).

Rule #2) Keep the level difference to two or less. I know many early-career engineers would love to have a VP sponsor. It sounds powerful and glorious. But the truth is that a VP operates in a different economy than an engineering IC, and the opportunity for overlap is minimal. A VP sponsor advocates for someone by proposing and recommending them for opportunities. If the level difference is too great, the VP’s outreach could be misinterpreted as a demand of the hiring manager or team. If you, as a sponsee, are placed into that kind of situation where the VP told the first-level manager to give you some opportunity, there is an increased risk of resentment, politics, and backstabbing. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a sponsor unless you are a director or principal engineer; it means that if you are earlier in your career, consider asking a director or principal engineer to serve as a sponsor. Not all VPs make good sponsors anyway.

Rule #3) Maintain a sponsorship outside your product/functional organization – maybe even your company. This may seem counterintuitive or even confusing. How is a sponsor to know you well enough to advocate for you if they work in a different area or company? The thing is: if you work in the same org, or group, or even function, then despite best intentions, opportunities for sponsorship will have the org- or group-filter applied. This is subconscious behavior wherein your working identity becomes embedded in your sponsorship. And it is limiting. In a perfect world, you would have met your future sponsor while you both worked in the same org, but then one or both of you moved elsewhere and you continued the relationship. I know that might be hard to arrange. So, the next best thing is to look outside your product group for sponsors if your company is big enough for that.

Rule #4) Own the relationship. If sponsorship is important to you, and it should be, then you need to nurture the relationship and ensure that it is a positive, expanding experience for both sides. Be respectful, but drive the schedule. Suggest you meet quarterly if they are really busy. Find a meeting place/time that is convenient for the sponsor. If they have an admin, work with the admin to ensure your meeting fits with whatever else they have on their calendar. Be accommodating yet persistent. Even more importantly: give the sponsor feedback. Offer to help, such as sharing (within the bounds of confidentiality, of course) information from your level that they might not otherwise hear. Those who are in a position at the top of the hierarchy might not always get the “whole truth” if those beneath them filter information for fear of speaking truth to power. Your sharing of the perspectives at your level might be eye-opening for a senior sponsor. And last, but certainly not least. Be appreciative. Authentically. Be sure to thank them for their time and their advocacy. You’d be surprised how infrequently they hear that, and how positive it makes you both feel.